``Under arms, Lord love thee! didst thou ever read the history of Sister Margaret, which flowed from a head, that, though now old and somedele grey, has more sense and political intelligence than you find now-a-days in the whole synod? Dost thou remember the Nurse's dream in that exquisite work, which she recounts in such agony to Hubble Bubble?--When she would have taken up a piece of broad-cloth in her vision, lo!
it exploded like a great iron cannon; when she put out her hand to save a pirn, it perked up in her face in the form of a pistol.My own vision in Edinburgh has been something similar.I called to consult my lawyer; he was clothed in a dragoon's dress, belted and casqued, and about to mount a charger, which his writing-clerk (habited as a sharp-shooter)walked to and fro before his door.I went to scold my agent for having sent me to advise with a madman; he had stuck into his head the plume, which in more sober days he wielded between his fingers, and figured as an artillery officer.My mercer had his spontoon in his hand, as if he measured his cloth by that implement, instead of a legitimate yard.The, banker's clerk, who was directed to sum my cash-account, blundered it three times, being disordered by the recollection of his military _tellings-off_ at the morning-drill.I was ill, and sent for a surgeon--He came--but valour so had fired his eye, And such a falchion glittered on his thigh, That, by the gods, with such a load of steel, I thought he came to murder,--not to heal.
I had recourse to a physician, but he also was practising a more wholesale mode of slaughter than that which his profession had been supposed at all times to open to him.And now, since I have returned here, even our wise neighbours of Fairport have caught the same valiant humour.I hate a gun like a hurt wild duck--I detest a drum like a quaker;--and they thunder and rattle out yonder upon the town's common, so that every volley and roll goes to my very heart.''
``Dear brother, dinna speak that gate o' the gentlemen volunteers--I am sure they have a most becoming uniform--Weel I wot they have been wet to the very skin twice last week --I met them marching in terribly doukit, an mony a sair hoast was amang them--And the trouble they take, I am sure it claims our gratitude.''
``And I am sure,'' said Miss M`Intyre, ``that my uncle sent twenty guineas to help out their equipments.''
``It was to buy liquorice and sugar-candy,'' said the cynic, ``to encourage the trade of the place, and to refresh the throats of the officers who had bawled themselves hoarse in the service of their country.''
``Take care, Monkbarns! we shall set you down among the black-nebs by and by.''
``No Sir Arthur--a tame grumbler I.I only claim the privilege of croaking in my own corner here, without uniting my throat to the grand chorus of the marsh--_Ni quito Rey, ni pongo Rey_--I neither make king nor mar king, as Sancho says, but pray heartily for our own sovereign, pay scot and lot, and grumble at the exciseman--But here comes the ewe-milk cheese in good time; it is a better digestive than politics.''
When dinner was over, and the decanters placed on the table, Mr.Oldbuck proposed the King's health in a bumper, which was readily acceded to both by Lovel and the Baronet, the Jacobitism of the latter being now a sort of speculative opinion merely,--the shadow of a shade.
After the ladies had left the apartment, the landlord and Sir Arthur entered into several exquisite discussions, in which the younger guest, either on account of the abstruse erudition which they involved, or for some other reason, took but a slender share, till at length he was suddenly started out of a profound reverie by an unexpected appeal to his judgment.
``I will stand by what Mr.Lovel says; he was born in the north of England, and may know the very spot.''
Sir Arthur thought it unlikely that so young a gentleman should have paid much attention to matters of that sort.
``I am avised of the contrary,'' said Oldbuck.
``How say you, Mr.Lovel?--speak up for your own credit, man.''
Lovel was obliged to confess himself in the ridiculous situation of one alike ignorant of the subject of conversation and controversy which had engaged the company for an hour.
``Lord help the lad, his head has been wool-gathering!--I thought how it would be when the womankind were admitted --no getting a word of sense out of a young fellow for six hours after.--Why, man, there was once a people called the Piks''--``More properly _Picts,_'' interrupted the Baronet.
``I say the _Pikar, Pihar, Piochtar, Piaghter,_ or _Peughtar,_"vociferated Oldbuck; ``they spoke a Gothic dialect''--``Genuine Celtic,'' again asseverated the knight.
``Gothic! Gothic! I'll go to death upon it!'' counter-asseverated the squire.
``Why, gentlemen,'' sad Lovel, ``I conceive that is a dispute which may be easily settled by philologists, if there are any remains of the language.''
``There is but one word,'' said the Baronet, ``but, in spite of Mr.Oldbuck's pertinacity, it is decisive of the question.''
``Yes, in my favour,'' said Oldbuck: ``Mr.Lovel, you shall be judge--I have the learned Pinkerton on my side.''
``I, on mine, the indefatigable and erudite Chalmers.''
``Gordon comes into my opinion.''
``Sir Robert Sibbald holds mine.''
``Innes is with me!'' vociferated Oldbuck.
``Riston has no doubt!'' shouted the Baronet.
``Truly, gentlemen,'' said Lovel, ``before you muster your forces and overwhelm me with authorities, I should like to know the word in dispute.''
``_Benval_'' said both the disputants at once.
``Which signifies _caput valli,_" said Sir Arthur.
``The head of the wall,'' echoed Oldbuck.
There was a deep pause.--``It is rather a narrow foundation to build a hypothesis upon,'' observed the arbiter.
``Not a whit, not a whit,'' said Oldbuck; ``men fight best in a narrow ring--an inch is as good as a mile for a home-thrust.''
``It is decidedly Celtic,'' said the Baronet; ``every hill in the Highlands begins with _Ben._''
